So much has changed over the past month. S went through the honeymoon period of becoming a big sister, everything was GREAT. Her natural nurturing personality was in full swing while we were in China, then we got home. I think reality hit her like a ton of bricks. For about a month after we were home, the poor thing had such a hard time. There were many nights I went to bed in tears worried that I had ruined her life :( I know it sounds extreme but going from one to two on no sleep does strange things to your mind :) But then one day she woke up and was right back to being the nuturing, protective big sister I always imagined. All her fears and worries she had been expressing were no longer concerns. Now home for three months, all is at peace, we are all settled into a routine.
And all of my fears....will I be able to love J as much as I love S? Will I be able to give enough to both? Will I be able to give J any extra she may need for her SN without making S feel slighted? Those are gone to. I chose to live in the present and try not to worry to much about tomorrow. I love the saying "Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, Today is a gift, that is why it's called the present." I will do the best I can everyday to give both my girls what they need and try not to worry about my mistakes yesterday or what I will do tomorrow.
These girls are magical. I wish they knew just how special they were to so many people. They bring so much joy to so many people. These days when I find myself so busy, I just remember at the end of every busy day, I am greeted by a precious toddler running with her wobbly legs in such anticipation to reach my arms with a huge smile on her face. And when she gets to me and I scoop her up, she melts into me and snuggles my neck and giggles. And every night after books and J is sleeping, S and I get our special time together snuggling in her bed chatting about our days and what we will dream about that night. And the last words we speak every night are "I love you, don't forget kissing hand, don't forget kissing pocket," then we both kiss the palm of our hands say "Love You" and put our hands together while saying "forever" Can it get any better than that? Some might think it could, but not this mommy :)
For those of you that don't know the story of "The Kissing Hand" and "The Kissing Pocket" look them up on Amazon, they are the best books ever!
